A boy on his knees .. exhausted & ashamed

this chapter of my life is called : superman-in-the-making

I'll always remember Isaiah 40 : 30
" that even when you grow tired and weary, and when young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk .. and not be faint "

Running this race, this whole Christian life .. is getting really really really tough .. it's hard .. and i can't take it sometimes, the feeling of not bothering about my stands anymore, the feeling of hopelessness, I'm tired .. question is ' What is God doing? and why? '

Such a normal phrase that almost everyone would have said it before, but this really sucks a lot, and it scares me sometimes. What happened to the fire that I had burning within me? That passion for Christ, living for His name. Hack! Sometimes .. I feel ashamed being known as a believer now, as Your son.

I'm sorry .. I'm sorry for the things that I've done that wasn't pleasing into your eyes, for the things I've said about You. doubting and cursing.

I know that You are GOD and I should be trusting and putting my faith in You. and no matter how hard it is right now .. in believing .. in a whole lot of things .. please be with me Lord?

I find it hard to stand before you sometimes, to be worship leading or to play for You, I can't do it with a heavy heart. i don't want to be a hypocrite.

The pressure in this world, to not give in .. takes a lot of guts and strength .. it's just sometimes, I just want a sense of belonging and not being the odd one, you know? but I guess, I should know myself.

One thing is for sure, I've never forgotten about my promise to You, that as long as I am in this world .. I'll continue to testify in Your name, spreading the good news and to carry my cross daily for You ..

- it's time to get right with the You

Lord, please forgive me .. =/